Breaking the Cycle of Addiction with Andy Techmeier

This week’s guest Andy Techmeier discusses addiction with Dr. Sarah Marshall. What does it mean to be addicted? What does true freedom look like? Learn how Andy navigated his family history and personal experiences in his healing journey to self-control.

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Andy’s Bio

Golfer, pro caddie, and naturally high life coach. With a deep curiosity for how things worked, Andy studied mechanical/aerospace engineering at ASU. Burnt out and overwhelmed mentally, he left school. Following his passion for golf, he found his way caddying around the world on the LPGA tour for 14 years, in over 300 events. Pulling knowledge from working with some of the world's best golfers, an extensive self-examination from personal development programs, and a deep and eclectic experience from traveling the world as a pro caddie. Andy is now taking on life coaching. From helping pro golfers have their best tournament, to helping people live their best life!

Instagram:  @andytechmeier

Website: www.andrewtechmeier.com

Full Transcript

Sarah Marshall, ND: Welcome to heal the podcast.

Hey guys, it's Dr. Sarah Marshall. Today we're jumping right into a conversation with Andy Techmeier. We decided to include our conversation before the official start of the reporting as it was too important to leave out. Join us.

Andy Techmeier: Well, that, but that's what's funny is like somehow that there's this pattern of like. I bet I look, and then when I look, it's like, Oh, you're not good, and tell people you're not good. And then, but I actually don't like it when, uh, I think, I think part of it came about though too, is like the, when the relationship, cause too, it's like, I just don't even notice sometimes.

Like I talked to people when I say, Oh, how's it going? Oh, it's going good. This relationship ended. They say, Oh, I'm so sorry. And then I'm like, Ooh, I don't like the way that feels.  And then I get mad. Don't say sorry. Why are you saying you're sorry?

Sarah Marshall, ND: And we do that to each other with a lot of things, you know?

Andy Techmeier: Yeah, exactly. Because that's where this last year, like whatever it was that, um, came up that this'll be interesting to like, see what, cause I want you to re-present, like what sort of the theme is and... Oh, the questions. Um, cause that's what I discovered from it was like, Oh, there's just another level to it. Oh, just another level where I'm resisting these negative emotions. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. Good. Well, this is the healing project. And it, you know, it's come from my personal 10 years in practice as a naturopathic physician. But then I look back to what I was doing before that what led me to be a naturopath, what I was doing before that, my own process all through, you know, being a little kid who had asthma and allergies and, um, I, I mean, I got everything under the sun. I had pneumonia, I'd get hospitalized for breathing problems. I got mononucleosis so bad that I never finished the eighth grade cause I was in a hospital. 

Andy Techmeier: Wow. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: you know, I spent a summer in bed. My grades were good enough.

They, they let me proceed onto high school, but like, you know, so I had this whole experience as a kiddo and then, you know, all through all of that, modern medicine saved my butt. I mean, I couldn't breathe. And then I could breathe with inhalers and steroids, but nobody was ever like, and when you're healthy, here's what you do to heal your lungs and become stronger.

So I think I've been in a lifelong inquiry into, you know, what does it mean to heal? What is healing? What does healing look like? You know? Um. I, I assert my hypothesis for this is that heal  is a four letter word in the medical community, if not our culture at large. You know, cause actually what I know about healing, it’s messy, It's ugly. There's vomiting, there's crying, there's orifices with snot coming out of them. You know? It's, it's anger, it's frustration, it's confronting the stuff that doesn't work about our lives. It's having to confront where we, you know, haven't had any integrity and we're lying to ourselves, lying to others, you know? But all of those things end up being an access. So this is about people sharing their stories so that you know that maybe the world as a whole, that there can be more people out there that through sharing, through us expressing our heart authentically, you know, people can get in touch with something that's possible for them or possible for people around them.

Or we can just literally like broadcast a conversation bigger about this is really about healing, not just fixing and changing or how to lose 50 pounds or all those other things. That superficially we get really hung up on, and then people who genuinely want to heal, they're like, yeah. And then they go, where do I go?

Who do I talk to? How do I even do that? My doctor just gave me an antidepressant. Okay, I can go to talk therapy, and that may be part of it. Like there's more healing in that profession than in a lot of other places in healthcare. But then I love getting to expand this beyond just it being about healthcare.

So we get to talk about relationships. We get to talk about our personal experiences. All over in different parts of our life. What does healing mean to our relationship to money? You know, could we apply it there like that?

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: So that's what we're here here to talk about. 

Andy Techmeier: That's interesting too, that you said that, cause the program I'm in, the guy's been saying, money's connected to mom, like I don't even know what that means. But then this whole thing for me around alcohol, alcoholism, and the healing and addiction and stuff like that has been around money for me. Like there's been a correlation of like, you know, which I'll share about in this whole thing, or I'll share about, you know, the journey that I've been on. Um, but yeah, and I appreciate the community part too, cause it's like, I wonder, you know, I think there is, there's always a place for modern medicine and how it can help, but I wonder how much of this is like if we actually could just communicate and be there for each other as a community. How much that would do to not have breakdowns in the first place.

Sarah Marshall, ND: Awesome. So you know, we're just going to kind of dive in cause it's like one of the things I don't really want about this is to have like a big preamble of titles. And that's not the point. It's about sharing stories. And we're already recording, but that's cause this is how this flows naturally. And then it, and then we get to just cut it and edit it and create, create it, you know? So thanks for being here. And you are Andy Techmeier, who I have known. How long have we known each other now? 

Andy Techmeier: Uh, five or six. Five, six years. Yeah. 14 probably somewhere around wisdom and then, 

Sarah Marshall, ND: yeah, totally. And what's so cool about this is like I just told you when we, when you contacted me is, I don't know if we've ever had this conversation. I know a lot of things about you, but I don't know if we've talked about this. So it's just really awesome and thank you for being willing to share yourself here and you know, get to capture something that, you know, are my intention is, makes a difference for other people in hearing your experiences.

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. Thanks. Cause I think what's interesting too is how you and I know each other and a lot of people that I know in our community sort of know me as a relatively transparent person. Yet there are things like this that I don't talk to a lot of people about. I'm excited there, there's some different emotions coming up, and so I'm very excited for this opportunity.

Sarah Marshall, ND: Well, why don't you tell me, you know, what you would like to share about in particular when you, you know, when you heard about me creating a podcast around healing and the healing project, something had you say, I'm going to reach out?

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. Well, relative to, umm. You know, you had shared that you'd shot a video and I really enjoyed it. And then you said this thing about, and that's why I asked again today cause I was like, what are we doing? What I'll speak to when you say healing, like for me, uh, I grew up, my mom was an alcoholic and she went to treatment when I was around 12 or 13 years old. She checked into a hospital and when she came out, she had said that we, that we have it, it's in the family, this, this thing.

And so for me, when you say healing, I saw that she was taking steps to heal. And she would even say too, that she interrupted generational patterns. And so I had that like, okay, great. So part of the healing that I get to be a part of is that I'm not going to have to go down that path. I'm not going to have to be an addict or, you know, I can learn from your experience and, uh, and then just stand on your shoulders.  And then, you know, and then what, what I've discovered in the last year was that didn't go so plan, I didn't actually stand like as much as I was like, Oh yeah, I listened and I learned, no, I don't. I need to, I need to burn my own trail and touch the hot stove.

So then when you post it, I just, and then I've seen like. When, when I share about these things, the benefit it is to other people and to what, whether they're pre event and they want to try to skip it, you know, and just like, great, thank you for teaching meI'll make sure I avoid that breakdown.  Or they've now they've now gone through it and found themselves in the same boat and feel alone to have somebody that says, yeah, I went through the same thing. Um, so that's what. Cause I'm all about it. I'm all about healing and like people being healthy and living great lives. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: So what would you say the thing is, right? Like I have some people where they're like, I had anxiety, I've dealt with diabetes. There's like the thing, what would you say that the thing is that you've been at work on healing.

Andy Techmeier: For me it boils down to self control. Yeah. Like, cause that's how a addiction occurs to me is like I, I've, I've not, I'm not a fan of when people say I'm at the effect of this thing. Uh, cause cause that just never made sense of like, I just looked at it logically as a child and was like, well, wait a second you're not, you do stop. You know, granted you can you start again. But yeah, we have some ability to control this. And then I got really curious of like, where, where does, where do we draw that line? You know, where, where can I, um. Yeah. So self control and, and you know, looking at it from the perspective of alcohol, drugs, sex, and pornography, umm. But then also, you know, it led me down a career path inside of golf and, and helping people perform. Because, you know, to do high level performance, you need to have a, a high self awareness of what you can actually make a difference with. This is what you can, so... 

Sarah Marshall, ND: And that's what you're speaking of, like self control, the whole world of self control is, has, you can see it in all these different areas.

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. Cause you know, and talking about, you know, the effect of, not the effect, but like the other byproducts, like growing up I had social anxiety. Um, I felt very introverted. So it was, it was like, yeah, it was that too. Like the. Because like my new curiosity is where can I maintain or where can I practice self-control inside of communication and self-expression to be fully self expressed, so I get angry and I want to yell at somebody to have enough self control to not say the most horrible things towards them. Because that's not actually going to create what I want.  And you know, in similar, like that was, that was the other issue when it came to, uh, you know, alcohol and drugs, cause I love the idea of freedom, but to me abstaining from something a hundred percent is not freedom. It's the ability to do it and to know that you can stop doing it when it becomes a negative behavior. But, you know, but also as a child, that was a kid that liked playing with fire. So I'm like, you know, it's like if you, and there, there was a time with a friend where we, uh, lit a tree house on fire and then we couldn't get it out. And thank God his father came and blew it out for us. But like, yeah, there's, there's some reality to like if you play with fire, you could get burned. So be careful.

Sarah Marshall, ND: Right? Yeah. And for some of us, you know, and this is where they say there's genetics and there's other components, like how much are you lighting a match? Are you lighting a lighter or is this going to be a bonfire? Like is that one drink, is that a night of drinking? Is that drinking multiple days in a row? Like, I mean, that's where I got to imagine. I mean, I know physiologically with my clients about anything is like they'll be really healthy and they'll be in a really good place and they'll go out.

Like somebody who say has migraine headaches, they get triggered by red wine. So different situation, but same trigger with alcohol. There'll be, sometimes they can have one glass of red wine and they're fine. And then there's another time they have one glass of red wine and they have a migraine for two days because there were other factors in their life, stress, sleep. You know, how well they'd been eating their blood sugar beforehand, you know? So it's like sometimes it's not even always just the dose of that one item that's going to give you your result. You know, in firefighting. It's like how dry is the fuel? Do you have grass everywhere? One match can become a bonfire and some situations or one match will not. You know? 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: So, do you, would you be willing to share some of what you've dealt with, like on the court? Like what it's been like? 

Andy Techmeier: Sure. Yeah. Like when you just said that, I mean, I got present to, so again, so my mom went to treatment. She came out, she had, was very vocal about, you know, so drinking is bad, it'll kill you. It runs in our family. Don't ever do it. Once you're an alcoholic, you, you know, you're an alcoholic for life. And so it wasn't until I got to college. And then I was in an environment where alcohol and I was like, well, well, you gotta try it. I mean, you gotta try it now. One of the first times I ever drank though, I took seven shots of a rum within like 45 minutes.

Uh, you know, due in large part to ignorance, because I had a good idea what alcohol was, and you know, you take one shot, it's like, Oh, it's fine. Yeah. And then we took a walk and we got like half a block outside of our dorm to this other dorm, and I'm talking to this guy and it's just this wave, this warm wave of drunk drunkenness hits me.

And then it's like, okay, now I know what being drunk is. And, um. And so, but what, so what happened was first I drank and then I, I got upset like you're not right. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't have this disease. See, I can drink and I can wake up the next day and I'm not craving to drink alcohol. And so then bit by bit, I started drinking a little bit more here and there.

But there was a time, two at a party where, uh, somebody was going around and handing out shots. And I was running up and taking more shots because it provided there was some, some sense of like, I didn't belong or that I wasn't cool enough. But if I could do what other people were doing that I would fit in, and, uh. And too with, there's something about drinking and like a high tolerance or a high level of consciousness or awareness that you can drink more than other people, or at least you think you can maybe…?

Sarah Marshall, ND: you know, socially, there's all kinds of things that ended up being kind of “cool” or “high status”. And you know, there's an element of, there's something high status about like, Oh, I had five drop, you know, drinks last night and it didn't even feel it. Or, you know, it's like we can kind of tell versus like, it's not as good, which is be like, Oh yeah, I just have one drink a night. Like that's not, it's just, I think a cultural conversation. 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. And, and, and now that you say that, the guy that was throwing that party was on the football team at Arizona state. He was a, it wasn't the starting quarterback, but still it was a football player. And on some level, I was, I had an insecurity around not being athletic or athletic as, uh, as I wanted to be. And that night drank so much that I passed out and then woke up in the middle of the party and puked over the balcony of the apartment complex.

Umm. Which I don't know if I ever repeat after that. I really dislike throwing up.  And uh. And then, but then, and I think too, there was, cause the other thing that I noticed, and this is where I would check in periodically, is I would drink and then, uh, went 2 am, came around or like when the time to stop drinking would come and my friends would have no problem just wrapping it up and going to bed and being like, okay, Saturday night's over.

 I would get super angry. Like, I would feel really isolated and really alone and like, okay, but whatever this is that's driving me, now I have to stop it. I don't know how to stop it. And I'm now upset with myself because I know I'm going to feel like shit tomorrow. And then, and then that, that sort of the depression of the guilt and the shame and my mom was right, and why did I do this to myself? Um, and so, in college, I, I'm grateful for that. I couldn't get at it. I didn't have easy access to alcohol. Uh, but once I turned 21 and then I could start going out on the weekends with my friends, I did that. And it got to the point where I was, uh, some friends and I had gone to a bar and we took my car and I drove us home, but I was drunk.

And. I, I don't know how much I, how much I had, uh, you know, would drive drunk. That night I remember driving and I couldn't see straight. Like, it's like one of those old projectors where the, it just goes like this, just slowing down and I burst out in laughter because I was so uncomfortable, cause I knew how irresponsible I was being. And I knew I was the person I never wanted to be. And then, uh, but because of, you know, on some level to the dichotomy of my mom was an alcoholic, but she also quit. And so the, the next day I just stopped, like, umm. But I, but I also like to share, like I had a, I had a really strong passion for golf and a really strong desire to be a professional golfer.

And so that was my wake up call of like, okay, now put all your focus on going to the gym and focusing on that dream and stay away from alcohol.  And, uh, and ever since then, every once in a while I'll do it in certain settings, but my gut is like, I don't enjoy it. It's not fun for me. Umm, I'm very cautious of it. So that, and that's, that's really the real, you know, it's, it's interesting to tell that story because it's like, you know, that's what we teach young people, like, don't drink and drive. Super bad. It's like, yeah, I've done that a bunch. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. So when you look at like, cause at one level I could imagine some people and not to diminish anything and be like, yeah that was college. Like I could imagine thousands of people just being like, yup, me too buddy. I was in the same boat. Like, you know. And I would say that there's a lot of people not even in college that's not that far away and unfamiliar things. So like, you know, you also mentioned the beginning, how you can see where there's like, there's been you taking a look at what does addiction really mean in many different areas. And then, you know, with the kind of premise of like, what does it look like to heal all this cause at the other side is like, okay, you woke up one day, you said never again, I'm going to focus on golf. And that was the end of it, but was that really the end of it? 

Andy Techmeier: No. So, and, and, and neither was it. So, so last year I did a talk where I, the stuff started coming to the surface and it was at an event called triumph over trauma. Where I applied thinking I'll never be accepted to that, cause I don't actually know what trauma is. Uh, but I do have some reference to trauma because my mom started drinking and she actually fell and broke her neck. And, uh, wasn't paralyzed, but couldn't move upon impact. She think it was the C-5 vertebrae that she fractured and had to relearn how to walk and use her hands and she can walk now with the use of a walker. And, um, so then I, so in, I get this, but what, what it was for me was like, relative to my golf career, I'd gotten to a certain level, but then noticing that that addiction shifted to other things like, um, and I think for the most part they were healthy.

But then in this last year, noticing that a shift to edible marijuana for me. And that when I, when, like when I've looked at it like it's, and even still today, I discover it because it's, it's very present to me. Like these feelings show up and it's, you know. The language that I would use. Sometimes it's a lot of times it's, it's deep.

I feel like it's deep sadness then underneath it. But then on top of that, there's layers of anger, there's layers of inadequacy, insecurity, um, that I'm not, I'm not where I think I should be. And, uh, and then instead of actually dealing with doing what I need to do to be the person I want to be, which is both in thought and feeling and then also taking action. It's like I just rather get high, or, um, the other addiction for me is sugar. Like that's the one that is super annoying because you can get it anywhere. Nobody has a problem with it, but if, if all of a sudden you're using drugs or alcohol, people cut you off. But 

Sarah Marshall, ND: it sounds super weird, almost even say addiction to sugar, but there's some interesting research about how addicted it addicting it is and the impact it is.

And like I've actually had experiences where I've cut literally all sugar out, like an everything and how different my body feels. And like the insidiousness that is of that, you know, some people would say like, Oh, sugar doesn't ruin your life like alcoholism would, but, and, and I'm not going to even play the comparison game cause that's not the point.

You know, it's like, but I can completely get you and I've definitely seen that have a grip on people in my practice. And you know, people around me is like how that interrupts us. Like you said, being the person that you want to be living the life you want to live. 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. Yeah. Because the other thing that's come up for me, and this is because I also watched when my mom, when my mom stops drinking, she started going to church.

And that was annoying to me cause I don't want to, I'm still sort of decompressing stuff about religion and spirituality because it's one thing to have your practice, but then when you're teaching other people around you and you're asking them and sort of, and then, and I see too, how I basically pushed back where I denied it and then I found my own thing and then I pushed that on her.

And that doesn't work either. Let's just, let's just allow our practices. Um, but really cause, cause too, that's my, um, whatever it is. Whatever these emotions are that drive me that there is a, and like you said, in cutting sugar, I've also done some fasting and you know, fasting is interesting cause then those emotions are just right there. When, when I've committed to like, okay, I'm not going to do anything but just be with it. It's not that much fun. And so, um, you know, but that's what's had me get in touch with what are the. Like, one of the things that I've discovered about this is, um, that has come up with this whole trauma thing that, um, is discovering like, what are the effects of being the child of a, of an adult alcoholic and how cause growing up it's like, Oh, that's just what it was like to get to that everybody deals with that. Like the parents are paying attention to what are the paying attention to and they're not paying attention to what they're not paying attention to. And, umm, but for me, there's a sense of abandonment, like I feel alone. And, uh, my parents also got divorced when I was little. My dad moved away when I was like five or six, so he's only ever been a phone call away.

But there was also still like a physical missing and, you know, learning these, learning how to be able to regulate my thoughts and feelings. And, um. You know, and when you grow up and you're, I was always good at playing by the rules. Well, I was good at playing by the rules in front of people 

Sarah Marshall, ND: enough to make it look a particular way. Right?

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. Cause I was gonna say like, um, when, I mean at 12 years old, I was already sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and I would go to the grocery store and buy junk food like soda and Twinkies, and it's, I mean, that's interesting. I don't know that I've even seen that recently where it was like, that was the, the extent to which I was going and doing stuff to, to have something in the outside world that would help me feel better. Yeah. umm. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: The self medication process. 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. And that's the other thing I think is interesting too, is when people want to, you know, if, if, if I'm struggling with sugar and you're struggling with alcohol, and then we want to compare it, and unless, unless we, unless I've played your game and you've played mine, we really don't know.

So, umm. It's, uh, but yeah, looking at it, because for me it's just being, because the other, the other thing to this part, you know, for my personal story is like, so I ended up not becoming a professional golfer, even though that was my dream when I was a young person. I started caddying and as a caddy, it's a large part coaching and there's, there's an interesting dynamic where, my thoughts and feelings in my behavior and my responsibility for that impacts this person that I'm a teammate of. I didn't know that when I got into it. I thought, Oh, they're great. They're professional. I can just fuck around and like we'll, we'll do great stuff cause there's going to be super great.

And then, we sucked, like, and, and not, I don't even want to say we sucked because what I mean, I say we sucked because I also want to take credit for when we figured it out. But those first few years there, that was where, umm, I was staying away from drugs and alcohol but I was still dealing with processing these feelings in… and also striving for success and not knowing why I was so driven. And ultimately it led me to a point where I got more into where I just finally got straight with. Okay, this thing, whatever this is, I go out cause I was going out. There was a period in my life where I wanted to be better socially. So basically took the anxiety that I felt in social settings head on and and saw that I could use alcohol as a crutch, but I didn't want to because I'm afraid of it and was on some level it's like, yeah, I think I do have pretty strong addictive tendencies. So I started dealing with that. Umm, and then that led me to really getting like discovering, Oh wow, this is really bad, like I don't think I'm attractive. I don't think I'm interesting. I don't think I'm smart. Umm. Or, you know, are said the other way. Like, I think I'm stupid. Like whatever these feelings were.

Sarah Marshall, ND: And so those were the thoughts that would connect to like, what would you say the body sensations you would experience or like the emotions it would be there? 

Andy Techmeier: I would have, I mean, initially it was, uh, just like anxiousness and sweatiness like sweaty palms, sweaty armpits. Um, my hands are still cold when I'm in social settings.

I feel like it's an, it's crazy cause I feel like I've grown a lot. But, um, another thing that happens is, um, when I'm with people, if I say or do something that's even remotely embarrassing, my face turns flush. And, uh, I've recently want to look at that because, um, people, they go, your face is red. I'm like, I know I can feel it, but I know how to get it to shift. And then reason I'm curious about this now too is because as a caddy and being outside, people say that my skin is red because I'm outside. But there's just something funny about. Something to be learned about. What is the emotion has... 

Sarah Marshall, ND: has your body respond that way? 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: So I, I want to start to like kind of inquire into more of what, what has made the difference. I mean, you've talked a lot about how much you've grown and the things that you're still aware of that are there, but you know, over the last. I mean, I don't know how long you'd quantify this,  10-15 years or more, like I would imagine you've seen a progression that were like what you deal with now and what you dealt with 15 years ago. Is it the same thing? Is it different? How is it different? Like what do you see has made a difference? 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah, so I would say it's been about, it's been about 13 years since I, like officially I started my self development journey.  And the, the catalyst was, uh, personal relationships. Um, and that, that was another sign of like, I just, I was very much introverted, couldn't, um, I just didn't know how to talk to people. And that's one of the things that's changed a lot is I'm much more comfortable in that setting. Um, but the… what was the question again? 

Sarah Marshall, ND: So, I mean, one was like, how long you been like, has, I mean, it's changed, it's shifted for you, right? Like, inside of like, what's healed, I guess is the question, or, or what have you seen that's healed? 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. So in that, so, um, it's. What's healed? That's a really great question because, and it's a funny question cause I mean, I feel like I'm in a new space of healing right now, that there's, there's new stuff coming in. So there's days where I wake up and I'm like, nothing. Nothing. And then I'm like, but then I, you know, I stop and I calm down a little bit. Yeah. Well, that's not true. I'm vastly different than I was 13 years ago, let alone 20 or 25 years ago. Umm, so the, you said it and it really, for me it was, it was like, I, cause what happened with alcohol too, was like when I, when I decided to stop drinking.

So I guess on some level I didn't, I didn't declare it with self-development, but there was a game that I had with myself, which is I stopped drinking. I knew enough and had a healthy enough fear of like, okay, I'm not going to do that. But then also knew that friends want to go out to bars like you go and you hang out and people drink.

And so that was the, it's like, can I go and can I trust myself to say to my friends. And initially I didn't bear the burden myself. I had it, I had it on my goal. I had it on my, well, I'm going to the gym and I have a trainer and I have this diet and I have a very strict calorie count and I don't know if you know, but there's calories, so I'm not allowed to drink that stuff.

 That was my initial out. And it worked. And my friends were cool. They were supportive of what I was up to, and once I got, once I realized, Oh, I can go out and I don't have to drink. And I actually learned, this is my little secret. It's incredible how people, people actually love us being included.

And so if, if they, if they, you know, they'll offer, and then if you say no, people inevitably say, I'll buy you a drink. Do you want me to buy your drink? And then you can just get one drink and then they'll pay for it. Um, so I got past that hurdle of like, and then, so I, cause I felt like I knew how to deal with alcohol in any situation.

Like I could drink it myself. I could get super drunk, I could abstain, I could be in any different environment. Umm, but then also the breakdown was that I sort of closed that chapter. Like, okay, I've now proven I'm not an addict. And that's why this last year relative to editable marijuana was like I started taking it.

I think I took it every day for at least two weeks, if not three weeks. And then at some point was like. What the hell are you doing? Now, and the reason I say that is because what I'm dealing with my life, like I'd gotten fired by the person I was working with. Um, I say I want a relationship, but you know, it wasn't actually going in dating.

I'm just where I'm working in the morning and then I'm coming home and I'm getting high. So as much as the tape in my head was like, Oh, it's fine, you can do whatever you want. It's your...

Sarah Marshall, ND: you see stuff happening in your life that you're like, let me look at this. 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah, yeah. And you know, and so, and then with the talk and then the, the really tough pill to swallow was like, okay, I've never, I had, there was a lot of pride around, I've never been to a 12 step meeting.

I've never actually declared I'm an addict. And then I was like, would you be willing? Would I be willing to do that? Um, and then, and too, cause I love, you know, I love the definition of authenticity, where you share about where you've been an authentic. So it's like seeing, okay.  So even if I'm, even if I have it, that I'm not, can I tell people that I may have a drinking problem or that I, you know, use, uh, marijuana, cause, cause that's the other thing too, considering it's legal some places and not and then it was like, yeah, I'm going to talk about this. So, um. I would say the two in the last, the people, the people have been really helpful. I think that's, you know, at first started going to programs and learning from other people, earning different tools. Having people to share with realizing I'm not alone. Others are not, you know, we're not, none of us are alone. We're not ones that deal with this stuff. And then, umm, and then, yeah, I'm in a new space now where, again, this is really great to talk about it because it's, I feel like anything I hide has a really good chance of taking over me. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: This is so good. So I want to like pull a few things out cause you, you're so good at sharing just like the, what happened and the experience just like out here. But there's like. Whole nuggets. We've just like, Oh, and then like fasting. I mean, it's really great to just be with those emotions  and then, but that's okay. My personal experience, but also, you know. I consider myself a healing coach, essentially, like taking people through the process and the journey of not just how do we manage your symptoms, but how do we actually heal your organ systems so you don't have these diseases anymore?

We don't have this condition anymore. One of the biggest things that comes up a little down the road is like we start dealing with all the things, all the actions we take to not feel what we're feeling. The food, the Netflix, the movie watching, uh, for me, uh, packing my schedule and staying really busy so I don't have to deal with how I actually am feeling about something. Nope. Sorry, I got another appointment up onto the next thing. You know, like, I think it was Bernay Brown talked about the addiction to being busy, you know, and I misquoted that. But like. 

Andy Techmeier: When my, mine's the opposite. Like I, I'm so good at, I say that I'm doing nothing as if I'm turning into some sort of meditated spiritual guru when, well, there's a difference between meditating all day and laying in your bed all day.

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. Yeah. 

Andy Techmeier: But it's the opposite. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: But similar like that, at that escapism, you know? So things like taking on games of abstaining from even seemingly the most subtle, insidious, parts of our lives, you know, like a week off of no texting, no social media, no Netflix, no online movies, right? Like a two week juice cleanse.

Um, you know, all of these things. While there are certain things, particularly around cleanses, you can say like, Oh yeah, there's this physiologic detox. But like for a lot of people, the hardest part isn't really that. It's like. All my friends are going out to eat and I'm eating salad right now, or all my friends are going out to this bar and I'm not, or it's somebody's birthday and there's going to be cake and ice cream, and I'm not like, it's everywhere.

So that, I dunno, we could say, at least in this culture, we're not very good at like, like feeling things, you know, and, and even happiness. It's funny how cookie people go around happiness. Do we love to say like, Oh, we all want to be happy. I'm like, are you sure about that? Like some people, they get so much happiness and they're like, Oh, when's this going to end?

I'm certain this isn't going to go well. And they start sabotaging it because it can possibly be with like how good their life is getting, you know? 

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: So like that was something you said that just, I think is really important is like, I can hear in the background of your story how you kept being at work on, okay, can I go out with my friends and say, I'm on this diet and I have this special trainer that was like, step one.

Then can I just go out with my friends and be there? Then can I go out and have one drink but no drink. You know, like you kept testing it all over as you built that. And then similarly, you know, so I think that being with being with our emotion, not taking an action immediately to suppress it, being with what's there, you know?

And then sometimes, like what I've noticed in healing is sometimes it looks like you're getting worse, even though actually the awareness is going up. You know? It's like, you might even say there's more anxiety or more depression there, but now you're actually authentically sitting with it. Versus like, 

Andy Techmeier: yeah, it processing it like there is, and that's, that's one of the, cause I see too, like a lot of my journey in healing, self development, whatever.

Was an avoidance was, let me, I, there's gotta be a way that I can just get around this. Like, yeah, I'm a smart person. I'm going to figure out how to hack the system. And then, you know, and then it's like getting like, no, you know, there's... I'm all for optimization, and there's things that you're going to have to deal with.

Um, I think too, that I've had, uh, the first time I ever fasted was when I was in college and I was a sophomore in college. It was actually the summer after my sophomore year, and I was fortunate enough that my parents were paying for everything for me. So you would think everything was great except for every month when the credit card bill would come in, I'd get grilled by what occurred is being grilled by my father, my stepfather about what's this bill?

What's that bill? And I'm like, are you kidding me? I'm going to school. I'm not doing anything fun cause they don't have any money. And now eating has lost like I'm eating. Cause that's my only outlet is that I can go to the grocery store and buy food and then I can eat junk food. But that had worn off, and so the game was, I noticed this like when I'm hungry, food tastes good. So I'm like, I wonder if I just don't eat for 24 hours. I bet it'll taste really good. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: The logic of a college kid. I love it. 

Andy Techmeier: Yes. So one afternoon I have this epiphany, right? It's like 2:00 PM and I think, okay, great. It starts now. I'm not going to eat for 24 hours. Here's the best part though, right? Cause especially like if you think about healing and health and, you know, like detox thing and, uh, fasting.

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. 

Andy Techmeier: The meal that I had directly after the 24 hours was Crescent wrapped cheese dogs. Yeah. Like what I know now about the body and like that the last thing you want to put in there after you let it take some time off. But it's that kind of experimentation that later on when I've learned about this stuff, and I also think too, that's the.

I think that's where too, it's good to talk to people and to see both sides of it is like, I think, I think that's what's tricky about life is it's so easy to start looking at life one way when life is always multifaceted and it, and it. There's something, there's something you're trying to avoid potentially if you're, if you're in this conversation of, you know, if your life isn't working out the way you want it to, there's something you're dealing with and there's something you want. And then for me, I've always so great to say, always to get back in touch with like that, , that I, and sometimes it would get lost, but like when push came to shove. It'd be like, Oh yeah, I'll give that up. I'll give up drinking, I'll give up sugar, I’ll... I'm willing to try something new because I have something that I really, really want. Whether that's health or, um, connecting. You know, when it came to relationships, I was actually doing, uh, some tapping yesterday on an emotion that for me was around money. I felt like I just feel tightness in my chest.

Like when I, when I think about bills that I can't pay, all of a sudden my chest gets tight and so I'm doing it and I call it lack. And then all of a sudden I remember this relationship when I was 26, and how we'd had a fight, and, um, we went to bed and, but I'd never, I was never closer physically to somebody and felt further emotionally from somebody. And it was horrible. And this memory comes back up and I'm, you know, as I'm tapping that the emotion is shifting and I'm getting present to love and, and, um, and you know, just this, that, that whole shift of that stuff and like how in this journey of, of this growth and like being willing to get in touch with it. But even now, like now talking about it and, and you know, sharing these things, it can be very uncomfortable. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. And just for those people, you know, you and I have experienced with tapping, but tapping comes from the emotional freedom technique, and it's like a series of pressure points that you can literally succuss on your own face in different places, there's even others on your body but the face is the easiest. And you can use it to work through difficult emotions and, and like the research on it is like reprogram parts of your brain, you know, and, and, and that's a, it's a technique for an access of healing emotional states, So that's pretty cool.

Andy Techmeier: Yeah. Cause the other thing I was going to say about this, uh, something you were saying earlier was like… And cause I feel like this is the, this is all brought me to this idea of leadership. Like, because to be the person that goes out with his friends in college and says, I'm not going to drink when everybody else drinks.

Now, at the time, that didn't mean that I didn't feel like a leader. I felt like somebody that was like, I can't drink, cause if I do, I'll kill myself. So, um. And then too, as an only child, like I have, I have other half and step siblings, but the first nine years of my life, I was an only child. So for me, a lot of times I, I collapsed leadership in isolation.

Like. You know, like if and, and I, and I think that that's a super power. Like if you're able to do something on your own, you already have the prerequisite to leadership, which is you don't care if nobody follows cause you're going to do your thing and if nobody comes, fine, screw them. I'm going to go do this because it matters to me.

But then what's funny is they are the ones you discover something like tapping. Cause I found tapping the first time 12 years ago. Just by happenstance through the internet.  And then was messing around and then life changed. I was like, I guess that works. Like you could. Uh, I would've never put money on it.

Who'd have thought that doing this and doing that would ma would change something. But things definitely changed in my life. And now it's like, can I utilize leadership? Can I now speak up for something? Which. Which again, and this is like just the willingness to open it up and refill all those feelings.

Cause if I'm going to talk to somebody else that's dealing with alcoholism or drug abuse and whether they've looked at it before or not, there's a good chance that those emotions are going to come up and we're going to be moved by them, whether it's in a negative way or moved in a positive way. And, um, you know, and then that's the other thing is like, there's, it's just like golf. Like I've played golf for 32 plus years. There's no ceiling, like you can always  do better. So as much as you're in tune with your emotions, as much as you're with your thoughts, you can not, you can always keep practicing and keep deepening it. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: And that's what, so one of my favorite questions to ask guests here is. Okay. You're on your healing journey. Like does it end? Is there an end? What does it mean to be healed?

Andy Techmeier: That's such a great question too, because I feel like, I think one of the points like where I'm at right now is I'm in a place where to get to the source of what I say my purpose here is, cause it, cause it seems like the beginning of my healing journey was not up to me.

It was stuff that happened to me that I was a victim of that w what am I supposed to do with this shit? And it's like, okay, well best you can heal it. You can do something to heal it. And then now it's like owning. And that was the other thing with the tapping yesterday when I was, when I saw that. As much as I, you know, I have this negative emotion, I'm feeling it, It's, it's coming more. It's getting more intense as I'm doing it. I, and I remember like it's burned into my memory laying in that bed, in the darkness, and it felt like somebody was squeezing my heart. But then the feeling starts to shift. My heart warms. There's a sense of gratitude and my mind starts putting two and two together and it says, well, you do realize that after that summer, you realized how important human connection was and how important a relationship was for you, and then you started taking on personal development, found tapping, and you started changing limiting beliefs and the following year of your life was the best year of your life. And I was like, well, that's trippy to think like that I actually have gratitude now for that moment where I was like, I don't ever want to go back there. Let's never go back. So for me, the healing and the, you know, so the journey never ends, you know, that that I see. And then for me it's like to, It's really just to continue learning and continue developing as a human beings continue to evolve.

And then for me, I have a passion for, it's like to take, to take my experience and then to share that with other people. So my background is, uh, you know, with divorced families, alcohol abuse, substance abuse, um. And then obviously it's so funny too, because with the golf, people always like, Oh, you, you want to coach golfers?

I'm like, eh, I don't really care about golfers. I'm like, now if you're a golfer who struggles with addiction and that's now interesting, but also I can, cause I love, I love dealing with the trauma of addiction and where, you know that stuff. Where does that, you know, the source of that and all. And also, cause I'm like, if you're… For anybody that's watching this, I don't know if you know this guy, but John Daly is like this incredibly talented golfer who is an addict, but it's like, It's, it's, it's always been fascinating to me. Like, cause I've, I think that our weaknesses are actually super powers in disguise. And that, that's the opportunities to learn and grow, you know? Cause I was always fascinated by science, how we used to think the earth was flat. And he used to think that boats, uh, floated cause they were made out of wood. Like someday we're going to look back and go, remember when we thought ADHD was like a disability and remember when we thought these things were disabilities.

Sarah Marshall, ND: I love you saying that, cause like I've actually been known to say this is from personal experience, not medical research, but like is literally that I actually think that ADHD and people that have that are literally what's next for human beings. Their creativity and the wisdom and the ability and that their sensitivity to our world is because we didn't really create a very healthy world, it's, Oh, we're totally overburdened. And being able to numb out well is not a good thing. And they, you know, their sensitivity and their creativity and all of that is like, like they're, they're our evolution. 

Andy Techmeier: Totally. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. And I say they, cause I don't think I'm actually one of them, but other people. 

Andy Techmeier: Well, and that's where too, like I sometimes I wonder like I have this, I have this dream that one day we'll have like a monitor that will tell us, you know, the minerals. Like, cause I, cause I, it seems like when I get upset, a lot of it boils down to hunger and tiredness and that…. But it's funny how the complexity of the human mind. The next thing you know, I'm convinced that Sarah's mad at me and it's like, no, you just need some chips. Like….

Sarah Marshall, ND: Like it’s just talk great… Right? You don’t need to put fuel in the tank.

Andy Techmeier: Right? So if I had a simple little thing like that, but also to be able to, to know that we all fall somewhere on the spectrum, there is no sense of like, well you're ADHD and are not. No, I have a capacity to focus. You have a capacity to focus and we can, we can learn from each other. Cause. When you're trying to create stuff, when you're trying to be creative, you don't want to be able to focus, but if you're trying to hit a golf ball, yeah, yeah.

Sarah Marshall, ND: Yeah. Awesome. Well, Andy, I just, so thank you for being here and, and, and opening up some of this stuff, especially like, you know, it's, it's easy when we're at a really high point in our lives to be like, yeah, I'd be happy to talk about, the thing that happened to me 10 years ago. And then it's like when we're in the middle of it all going through stuff, but still how we can contribute, how we can share our stories and make a difference for others and you know, you've just been super generous with that today, and I've loved getting to spend some time with you revisiting some of these things. That was really awesome. Really insightful. 

Andy Techmeier: Thank you. Yeah. And I think, uh, you know, speaking of like ADHD or I wonder if, if I'm somewhat dyslexic because I'm the other way, like when I'm suffering, I love talking about it. So, um, so yeah, it was great. Thanks for listening. You know, and just hope whoever hears this, that if it, it makes a difference to people, that's awesome. 

Sarah Marshall, ND: Awesome. Good. All right, well, we're going to complete from here and thanks again. Okay. Bye.

Thanks to today's guest, Andy Techmeier for sharing his vulnerability and strength with us. You can learn more about finding your own healing by going to SarahMarshallND.com or following me on Instagram at Sarah Marshall ND. Special thanks to our music composer Rodney Nikpour and editor extraordinary Kendra Vicon.

Thanks for being here. Until next time.