Standing for your dreams: 49 years old and 22 weeks pregnant after 11 failed pregnancies
On today's episode, Accala Kessler shares about her transformation of self in facing the unknown through 11 failed pregnancies and her unwavering stand to have a family. Now 49 years old and 22 weeks pregnant, she is on a strong, healthy path to being a mama this spring.
Referenced in the Show
Accala’s Bio
Accala, the owner of a growing accounting firm and first-time mom at the age of 49, is completing a 10 year fertility journey that has included 11 failed pregnancies and numerous (and varied) interventions. Early in her journey, she declared that there was no room for shame in this process and is thrilled to have this opportunity to share about her experience. Her intention is that by telling her story she will inspire others to keep going in the direction of their heart’s desire.
She and her husband are happy to say that they are now expecting their daughter’s arrival in April 2021.
Full Transcript
Sarah Marshall ND: Welcome to HEAL. On today's episode, Accala Kessler shares about her transformation of self in facing the unknown through 11 failed pregnancies and her unwavering stand to have a family. Now 49 years old and 22 weeks pregnant, she is on a strong, healthy path to being a mama this spring. I'm your host, Dr. Sarah Marshall.
Sarah Marshall ND: Thank you, A Kessler for being here with us to share, we'll see what we ended up sharing about, but your story has been one that has struck me in more ways than one.
My heart, my brain, the possibility inside of what you and your husband have created over the last 10, 11 years in your commitment to have a family and make it happen. And I know there's a ton about it. I don't know. So I'm actually excited to get to be a witness to it. And mostly this is you just getting to share what's there for you about it.
And what parts you think, you know, will make a difference for others to hear about.
Accala Kessler: That's cool. Thanks, Sarah. you want me just to leap in?
Sarah Marshall ND: Sure. Yeah, I do.
Accala Kessler: The interesting thing is so, just to give everyone in the background, so I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant. This is my 12th pregnancy and it'll be my first born child. And I have been working on becoming a mother for about 10 years and, there was something.
It's funny, just when you were saying, I don't know what the whole story is, and it's like, it makes sense that I'm here saying something because I made up my mind to not be embarrassed about that I was dealing with infertility. I mean, no one gets embarrassed about having the flu ya know?
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: So, and the thing that's interesting about it is, well, there's, a lot of things are interesting, but I never expected anyone and I've had.
I think three different people in the past three months from the don't even know each other, say, you need to write a book, which is highly unlikely. I have zero desire, not going to write a book, but then I had a thought podcasts. I can talk about it. That just don't make me write about it, you know? And, maybe it'll give someone else who's going through it.
Some freedom, you know, or even spark the idea that you can be complete. one of the things I noticed is that when this, this last pregnancy became viable, as they say, the people that work in the fertility industry and do not live inside of the idea that a woman could be complete with 11 miscarriages, as far as what their training is and what they consider kind and loving it is a tragedy of the enth degree that can never be gotten over.
And if she says she's complete about it, she's just in denial.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: They just had no place to stand in relating to me because I'm not saying I enjoyed it, but it is how it went and it isn't what's happening right now. And, there was literally blood, sweat, and tears, you know, so, it's pretty exciting.
And, being, being pregnant is, my body is like all on board. Like my body's probably more complete than my brain, you know, it's like, yeah, we're just chugging along all good down here. Thanks a lot. And my brain keeps having to catch up. My brain sees me in the mirror cause I finally look pregnant to myself and I'm like, what happened?
Oh yeah. Pregnant, you know, like every new thing, like we finally found out the gender of our baby and it's like, that made it more real. And in your days of just a can still getting caught off guard with, Oh my God, we're having one of those, not one of those. And. I've been surprised at the, the time lag body versus brain.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah. Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Probably is a lot true in any kind
Sarah Marshall ND: In any. I, yeah.
Accala Kessler: With these kinds of journeys, you know?
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So where would you like to start for like the journey of it? The beginning.
Accala Kessler: I guess. Yeah. I just, it's so funny. I haven't told the details of it in a while. so I got married nine years ago, and, was engaged for a year before that.
So it's, it's been a little more than 10 years that we've been willing to become parents and, we found out shortly after we got married. Cause I had this grand vision. I was going to come home pregnant from my honeymoon. I was, I sort that one out right. That handled. I also had a lot of hubris. I thought, who cares?
I'm getting married at 40. I can do anything. I can have a baby at 42. It turns out I'm having a baby at 49 instead. You know, and I'm talking about needing to put aside some preconceived notions. Okay. So, so we were, you know, willing to be pregnant. We weren't doing anything focused per se. And, when I finally went in to get tested, and then we had Jason tested and he had a zero sperm count and, you know, you freak out thinking this could be permanent.
This could be whatever you don't know. And it turns out that, it was a medicine he was taking, he took some testosterone and it told his sperm production to go to zero, you know, more about it than I do, but there's a gland in the brain that was reading blood levels of testosterone and said, Hey, we're good.
Shut it down. We don't need any more. (Sarah: yeah) So everything's shut down because his blood levels were being artificially increased. So we got him off of that and you know, it's all totally fixed, totally normal, which was a good thing. But you know, to think Lord have mercy for a year and a half or more, we think, Oh, it's just because he and I lived in different cities.
Oh, it was just because I was never exactly where he was on the exact right hour of the right day. And it turns out we were just in LaLa land, which was another big lesson in finding out whether or not, you know, what's so, what's real. And. It's a sort of a theme through this whole process. For me, I mostly tell this story and people can't believe that I've had 11 failed pregnancies.
They can't believe that I stayed committed to becoming a mother for a decade. They they're just awed by it. And in some kinds of ways, I'm like I just came with an extra dose of stubborn or something. I mean, (Sarah: right?) you know, I mean, I just, I just. It, you know, someone asked me, they're like, I would have given up long before this.
And I said, you know, life might have a big disappointment in the works for me, but why would I be helping it along? You know, like, why am I going to give up? I don't know. I said it a little bit, but it's just like, I just couldn't fathom, like the universe will make it plain when the road is run out on this, you know?
And until then, I'm gonna go try something else.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah. You don't need to be the one to decide when that's done necessarily in your case, you know, it was like that there was still more road to run.
Accala Kessler: Yeah. And so we, so we found that out, we got that fixed with Jason, the whole thing, and here's the thing I. You know, at this time was probably 41.
And, between 41 and 49, you know, I've had 12 pregnancies. This is the one that took none of my pregnancies made it past eight weeks. I'm very grateful to say that for me, you know, the baby hadn't quickened. They, every one of those. Pregnancies was a possibility of something and it, and there were definitely emotions and sadness when they didn't work and sometimes anger and a lot of frustration.
And, I certainly in my life had never faced up to anything that could not be fixed with my own set of determination and willing to act like mother nature was just laughing and spitting in my face, like how it occurred. And, that too was a life lesson because. Okay, so now what am I going to do in the face of, I have no prediction.
If it will or won't work. Am I going to take another action? Am I gonna do it again? I got pregnant through IVF. I got pregnant with IUI, which is I call it high-tech Turkey basting. I got pregnant naturally. The getting pregnant was not a problem. So there was a little bit of this, you know, humans make up stories, you know, it's what we do, but I am.
I had a story-like well, my body's willing. And, to this date, the reason for my infertility is unexplained. Hmm. Another life lesson. There may never know why. many people think that, when I was 38 to 42, given my health and everything, it should not have been an issue. So there's and, I feel like I'm telling the story, not chronologically, but there's just, there's more lessons in this whole thing than I even think I sat down to realize until I'm sitting here sharing it with you, Sarah.
Yeah. But like right here at the, at the end and this pregnancy that we had, we did genetic screenings and. They test for like, I don't know, 280, or maybe it was 360, something like that. A lot of different genes they're checking for. Do you have cystic fibrosis? Do you have this? That I can't name all the things it came back.
Perfect. Zero, not a single anomaly. Perfect genetics. So guess what? Perfect genetics buys you. Yep. That's right. I'm not buying crap. Right. And you know, and then here's Jason with, four anomalies. We knew he was a cystic fibrosis carrier. but I wasn't. So it's just like, that was eye opening too. Like you think, you know something about something like I just had someone asked me, actually is my father, my, his older brother died of leukemia.
And the family lore on that side of the family is, we lived to a hundred. You have to beat us off with a stick is what they say about that side. My dad's side of the family. Right. And then my uncle Stan died before he was 80. He had leukemia and my dad said, how do you catch leukemia? Hmm. Well, in the midst of all of the science that we have, there's so much stuff where the answer is: "we don't know." We don't know. Yeah. And the contortions I want to go to, to know, because somehow I think that's going to comfort me when I don't know why this went this way. And then also really, busted something open for me because I sort of had it, the DNA was the end all be all that. It explained everything about who I was in my health.
And it was the blueprint for the whole shebang. Right. But it's not, . And I know there's whole epigenetics thing. I don't, I don't, I just understand that just a bit, not all the details of it and I kept wondering, you know, with every failed pregnancy, there's a couple things when people say, wow, you're so amazing. You kept going, you kept going. The one thing I think about is all the places I drug my feet, you know, I've listened to every episode of your podcast and healing is, It can't exactly be pinned down, you know, and yet you can hear in what everyone says about it, a common thread, right.
And one of the things is that like, I didn't want to be shamed by medical personnel. I was afraid that I was going to walk in there and basically they were going to laugh at me because I thought I couldn't be a mom at 40 something. Right. It turns out no one ever did that, but I drug my feet for awhile.
Right. And then I didn't want to have my baby through IVF. It wasn't supposed to be like that. See, there's still some layers that are still there. Like I can recall. We upset, like it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to just be able to get pregnant. I waited until I found the right dude. And I like, for real Sarah, you know him, I found the right dude for me, you know?
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: So it was supposed to work out. One's supposed to go this way. And having to consciously choose, well, that's not how this is. I can't live my whole life upset that I got scared about something and drug my feet. I just, you just can't, it's not, I got a lot of decades left. That's not worth dragging around.
Now, it still comes up like I'll share it with you. And there's still like a little bit of a charge, a little bit of an emotion there. and the piece of the journey that I haven't told you. Okay. So all these things. So we do all this stuff. We get pregnant, you're pregnant. Oh my God. Get pregnant. And then they don't work and they end at eight weeks.
and, one of the miscarriages, we knew it six weeks or six weeks. It didn't have a sufficient heartbeat. And then we waited for heartbeat to stop. And then I actually took the medicine that caused the miscarriage at my house. And we had that tested and there was a genetic, there was a triple gene on one spot.
You know.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And, and then we did IVF and then we did IVF with a frozen embryo that had perfect genetics that still didn't work. I think my last straw with that particular doctor who was quite talented, she's very, very good at what she does, but there's just what she does. And it wasn't. I think I wanted the moon and stars from this woman that was excellent at a particular specialty.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Right.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And I said, okay, well, great. So it's not genetics. it's, you know, mitochondrial health. And she, and I said, how do we improve mitochondrial health? She goes, we could try some CoQ10. And I'm like, Oh, you mean that crap I've been taken for four years already.
Sarah Marshall ND: Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Accala Kessler: I was done. I was so done.
And I think also that's a lesson in this whole thing is no one person has the right answer. There's mad respect for medical professionals of all kinds, and they can't know everything and they don't know they don't live in my body. So there's a, been a bit of a transformation of standing my ground for the right partners.
And not, respecting them and their learning and their expertise and their commitment without thinking they're some kind of demi-god, who's going to just wave along to know the answer for something.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Because they're legit, just human, like me and. You know, like I had to do a lot of procedures, you know, egg retrievals, and, I had to have a uterine cyst removed and I had to, you know, and one thing I can say about this doctors working with is, well, one she cared and too, I a hundred percent trusted this woman for all those procedures while I was, I went into anesthesia for the first time in my life, you know?
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah. That's trust.
Accala Kessler: Yeah, right. She just, you know, and then, Oh, I flew to India for five weeks. I went to Mumbai to an ayurvedic clinic and did a panchakarma cleansing. And, they increased my AMH levels, which is, don't ask me what it means, but it, it, it has to do with their estimation of your egg reserves.
They tripled the number in five weeks. Like no one in the States even told me that could be done. Yeah. And so I'm skipping around everywhere guys, but it's like the, the, the, the thing about it is, you know, you get the gist. If I tried a bunch of stuff and I had to keep that didn't work now, what? That didn't work now, what, and all the doubts should I even be doing this?
And then I had someone ask me what did I want? You know, Did I just want to be a mother or was that going to be attached to how I became a mother? So we explored adoption, right? We're already tens of thousands of dollars into this journey. Yeah. Right. Luckily that same uncle Stan that I'm mentioned, had, he didn't have biological children of his own.
He gave, inheritance donations to all his nieces and nephews would just basically why I took, I was able to monetarily take this journey and. the, I don't even know what it would have been like if money had kept me from this journey, I, I, I might've gone on like a little rampage of some kind and figured it out.
So, you know, and I tried acupuncture and I had natural paths and I had, I even tried energy healers, Which I have some, I don't know if it's the right word. I have some belief in that work. And I think some people who say they can do it are a little bit coocoo. So, so it speaks to finding the person that jives (Sarah: person that resonates, yeah) with where I'm at.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Accala Kessler: Right. Like, I had one person, Oh. I had someone who said they were an angel healer tell me that I had cursed myself in a past life. And that's why I couldn't have any children. And that the work she had done had half cleared it. But all I know in reality is I laid on a table and he, she shook her hands over me for a long time.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Now. I had someone else tell me that. now this was very liberating. They said with anything you want to go try, with anyone you want to go talk to you, just walk away with the part that resonated. You walk away with what empowered you. You don't have to take it hook, line and sinker. So then I had this freedom to just do whatever.
Yeah. You know, you're an intuitive, you want to break my curse I did in my past life. Okay. Bring it. What'd you got? Bring it. (Both laugh)
And then I was like, you know, maybe words are really powerful. And I even wondered if there were places in this particular journey where I was like, You know, my own fear kept me, you know, cost me months or a year before I took the next step. The, this, that, and another, I definitely saw a lot of places where I didn't give myself space for the emotions.
You know, I didn't want to cry because would I ever stopped crying or, you know, I wanted to make it someone else's fault when it wasn't anyone's fault.
Sarah Marshall ND: Hmm.
Accala Kessler: Took some, I felt like I was training a dog, like my little emotional brain. No. I said, sit, you know, Nope. Not their fault either. Nope. Not theirs either. (Sarah laughs)
You don't have any reason why this is happening. It's not because you're a bad person and blah, blah, blah. So then we did exploring and, adoption and adopting, a private adoption for an infant can be up to $50,000 and we'd already spent tens. So, you know, That one was hard to deal with. And then we investigated adopting through the public system, through child protective services.
We had to go to these mandatory classes. They scared the ever living bejeebus out of us, like, but I think it was like bootcamp for foster parents. I think they were trying to scare away the wusses and I guess it was us.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: It's hard to believe. You know, like they started up that class with that all these children are neglected, abused, or abandoned by definition.
This is the population of children you're dealing with. and I don't know, I'm dead set on having a second child. my husband pales slightly every time I mentioned it, he just responds with, let's get through this one. Let's have this one first.
And who knows my second child may come to me through adoption or who knows. Yeah. But so finally, the part I haven't shared about this whole thing is that, I finally chose to get pregnant with a donated egg. So I do not have a DNA connection to my child. And, although. I know on genetically influencing my child.
I don't have DNA in common with my child.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And, I have contextualized it. I've decided to call it an extremely early adoption process.
Sarah Marshall ND: Extremely early.
Accala Kessler: The embryo was five days old when I took it into my body. And there you go. so, we flew over to the Czech Republic. I was going to do it in Mexico. Because same time zone, easy flights, blah, blah, blah. we had narrowed it down. I was doing it on my own. We narrowed it down. And this one clinic, for example, had 36 donors in their database.
Sarah Marshall ND: Just to go back. Part of this was you were at a point where the clinics in the United States were no longer an option because of your age. (Accala: nope) Is that, was that the determining factor or you just decided you wanted to do international.
Accala Kessler: the people have asked me that question, international, what's going to save us $10-15,000 even after factoring in travel.
Sarah Marshall ND: Got it. Yep. Okay. Clear. We got it.
Accala Kessler: And I also was bucking the inherited prejudice that American medical is better than medical anywhere else.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: You know, it's not, it's not a blanket statement. That's accurate. I'm sure. There's stuff we do better than anywhere else, but there's other places that do things better than anywhere else.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Great.
Accala Kessler: Yeah. And yeah. And. So we looking at the Mexico clinics, 36 women, and you know, the women who consider themselves fair, I'm like, Oh honey, you don't know fair. Like I'm very pale. They just
Sarah Marshall ND: like your skin tone?
Accala Kessler: Like, I, I, I even struggled with that. Was it okay if I wanted a donor who looked like me?
Was it okay if I wanted a kid who looked like me? You know, was that allowed or not open-minded enough? And, all this other stuff. And, but I finally made peace with, yeah, I just, I want a donor who looks like me. And, the truth of the matter is at least the women in these donor bases, they just didn't look like me.
I know Mexico is a diverse country with people that look a lot of ways.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: But they didn't look like me. So I, my, you know, my heritage is, All North European and Scandinavian. I did the, I did the 23andme thingy too, you know, I was like, Oh, well nice to have confirmation, EUR-OH-PEA-AN. Okay. (Both laugh) So we decided, well, if I'm European by heritage, then let's go check that out.
And then we ended up with this amazing woman. Her name is Sue Taylor, and she's with IVF traveler. And, Well, she's amazing. I didn't know how, how lucky I was about to get. She just, her whole thing is about sort of like being a concierge to connect people with clinics and help them make the choice. Like I had, I think I spoke to her for two hours and two different times, and we had our clinic, instead of the weeks of agony, I spent trying to pick the right one, right.
So we go to the Czech Republic. We go there in February, we make embryos and, I was set to go back on March 30th and then COVID hit. Yeah, that was upsetting. And in the Czech Republic, they have an age, they have a national age deadline. They cannot do any fertility work on anyone who's over 49. So I turned 49 last September and, Is that right? I don't know.
Sarah Marshall ND: You just turned 49. Yeah, just a couple months ago. So at this time,
Accala Kessler: right, right. I got pregnant in July.
Yeah. I got pregnant in July.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yep.
Accala Kessler: So then finally then I try to go in June. I think I told you this part of the story already, then I'm trying to fly to the Czech Republic in June because you know, Oh, it's just a few months.
We'll be good. You're right. So. I get to the airport in June, bags packed, I look like I'm going to go backpack Europe. And, they won't even let me know airplane. So here I am hyped up on hormones to get ready for this transfer. And they say, you can't get on the plane and I'm like, say what? And it was such a trip because never in my life as a us passport holder, have I ever been denied access onto a travel vehicle or entry to a.. I mean, like, I, it's just so weird and all of a sudden we're like the plague plate carriers of the planet and no one wants us to come near their country. But what turned out is that the, airlines had created a database and they had interpreted the Czech law and I'm dealing with a frontline employee whose instructions, probably at penalty of dismissal were followed this database.
And so there was nothing to be done and it's not like I could wait four days and go, there was a particular day I had to arrive on to do it, to do it. So we had to cancel the (inaudible)
Sarah Marshall ND: yeah
Accala Kessler: yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like certain. Day of the cycle. When I have to be five days past ovulation to receive a five day embryo and blah, blah, blah.
And so we had canceled the whole thing. I had to come down off all these hormones cycle go right back on them. And in July, I finally figured out how to get there. I went through, London cause at the time London's policy was 14 days quarantine. So, and then you got through, but I got to tell you it's the most stressful travel I've ever done in my whole life. Hopped up on estrogen.
Sarah Marshall ND: And you had a whole thing of like, you also, weren't supposed to lift a certain amount of pounds. And so then what you brought with you and your bag, and there was like, there was all stipulations of even just like what you, and then just try and even pack for that. It's like what?
Accala Kessler: Yeah. People freak you out too, you know?
Like, cause see, here's the thing they know, we know a lot and they don't know everything. Yeah. Like birth and procreation is still 100% seated in the realm of the miraculous. Hm, it's freaking amazing how it works and that there's seven plus billion of us is like whoosh, you know? and so I got there and they do the transfer.
I remember thinking I'm like, seriously, that's it? You're done. Like was on the table for under 10 minutes. I'm like, that's it? (Sarah laughs) We don't even get any like confetti streamers? No bubbly, Apple juice, nothing? Like, do you know what I did to get here?
Sarah Marshall ND: Right? Three countries, multiple plane trips, all of that. Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Yeah. Yeah. It's just, but then again, there's reality against, you know, my, my, the physical-ness trying to catch up with the brain. (Sarah: yep) Right. And then freaking out and they tell you not to do all this stuff and they, because they don't a hundred percent know they're like, this is, they they've developed best practices.
You know, they used to tell you, you had to lay down for like a whole day after a transfer. Now they want you to just lay still for about five minutes, you know,
Sarah Marshall ND: including the rest period. I remember you said that the transfer took five minutes and then the rest period was five minutes and that was it. And you were done.
Accala Kessler: That was it.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: That was it. Off you go. And just, you know, hope, you know, I did a acupuncture treatment before and after and all this stuff. And then it's 4:00 AM in the morning, I'm in a hotel in Prague, which there is a silver lining to it being COVID because I got to stay in this five-star awesome hotel because Prague was empty this summer.
And, 4:00 AM at that time there and I called Jason and he's like, what are you doing up? I'm like, whatever, it's fine. So I'm freaking out. I had started Googling. I'm like, so you have this transfer and you're dying to know if you're pregnant and every single body sensation is like, is that it? Is that it? Is that good? Is that bad? It's about to be over. And I read, I found this article at 4:00 AM in the morning and I'm reading it to Jason. And then I finally start just laughing because it said something like 11 symptoms of early pregnancy or 11 symptoms that you've had a good transfer or something like that.
This person. Maybe was trying to be nice, but somewhere around number six, I busted out laughing because the answer to every single symptom you could think of is, could be impending miscarriage. Could be a successful transfer. Could be, this; could be that. It could be this every same answer. And I was like, well, so you know, what I know is that I don't know.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And there's probably nuggets in this whole thing. You'll ask me something, but just to sort of finish up my very lengthy sharing of the gist of it.
I would assert this is probably a pretty great skill for healing anything, but I made up my mind that this pregnancy, all was well until I had irrefutable evidence to the contrary. I just, I'm not going to spend 10 months of my life terrified every day that something new has gone wrong.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: I refuse.
You know, and, yeah, I was telling Sarah before we started recording the podcast, it's just like, I am, there's so much stuff I wish I could share. I think it could make a difference for people, you know, the power of choosing, like in the one kind of way. I had no say. I tried, I took all the committed actions and then I had to get the result I got and then I got to choose if I was going to take a new action and then I was going to get the results I got.
So it could have felt extremely powerless. And I'm sh I had moments of, you know, what else is there to do? I had a friend of mine telling me, he said, no, I'm pretty sure you're good. Like you turned over every rock and then you went to another country and found some other rocks and turn those over. And then you know (both laugh)
And you know, I, I have another friend who got married 17 years ago, and I remember her telling me she was getting married. She was going to have twin boys. That's what she kept declaring. What twin boys? Well, she's 17 years married and we lost touch and I've met her again. And, she doesn't have any kids, so I don't know what kept me going, except maybe I think that thing of like, if life has a disappointment in store for me, I don't need to help it along.
It'll it'll show up anyway. I don't need to help it.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And I had to decide that being a mother was more important than my DNA. So some anonymous woman, cause that's another thing about the Czech Republic is that all egg donation is double, double anonymous, both ways.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yep.
Accala Kessler: And some 23 year old woman in the Czech Republic gave of herself, literally. And I get to be a mom.
Sarah Marshall ND: That's also pretty miraculous.
Accala Kessler: I have moments. I still, to this day, halfway through this pregnancy have moments of a thought like I'm bummed. Cause I had fantasies like, no, the baby's gonna have my smile and grandpa's this. And, but those were fantasy. When I really looked. Those were fantasies of a very young girl who wasn't even dealing with reality called you're mixing your DNA with your husband, with a partner.
And for all I know they could only look like him. Sometimes that happens. So there's been a lot of growing up in this whole thing. Some people think that it is irresponsible to have a child at my age. Well, I guess they get, they get to think what they want to think.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: But again, conscious choice. Like I have to choose not to go down that tunnel with them.
Sarah Marshall ND: Right.
Accala Kessler: I might die before my kids, you know, 50. Okay. I know someone that lost their dad at 14, cause he had a heart attack in his mid forties.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: So
Sarah Marshall ND: yeah.
Accala Kessler: I could keep going. There's more, I mean, I got 10 years of stuff (Sarah: right? Yeah) contemplating all of it and
Sarah Marshall ND: I'm listening. There's, it's so rich. And I, I mean, I knew it was going to be so that now I get to say that, but, it just is like, there's so much to unpack in here about, because each moment you've shared about there's a world to that, you know, it, it's kind of easy for us to say. Yeah. And then I chose. I chose. Okay. Miscarriage. Okay. I'm not pregnant now. What's the next action. And then there were moments in there where you did say like, well, there might've been six months or a year where there was a whole world that happened where you didn't take the next action about that. And you, I don't know. You should tell if you went back, lived your life, did other things maybe lived in some different conversations or stories, you know, of the like, and I, I don't have your commitment to be a mother, but I would say if I were to put a number on it, there's about 20% of me that still, you know what I do say and, and, and mostly, you know, non-married in the dating world. You eventually get to that question of, do you want to have kids?
And, you know, my heartfelt answer has been, I've really surrendered it over to the universe. Like if I get knocked up, I'm having a kid, like, whatever it, even if that is like out of the most bizarre circumstances, you know, and, and this is really telling one on myself on the podcast, but like, I've actually had the experience of being in a relationship with some people usually pretty early on that I'm like, well, if we get pregnant, then I know this is the guy I'm meant to be with. And if we don't get pregnant, then probably not going to be the guy I'm going to be with. Like, like there's like a reverse engineering to that thinking process that I've I found myself in. And it's interesting though. Cause mostly, you know, I did the thing culturally turned 40 this summer and my brain went, Oh, well that means now you can let go of this attachment to having a kid.
And then I listened to your story and I'm like, huh? It actually puts the responsibility back over here with me. Like, well, if you want. Or not, you know,
Accala Kessler: and the last pregnancy that I had was naturally, last two are natural conceptions and I was 47 at the last one or, or almost 48. So I'm telling you, my body's still ovulation and it's like, yay.
It's quality control is just a little whacked out. Yeah. You know, one thing I forgot to say about this, it's like, you said that thing about, well, if it happens, it happens right. So my second date with Jason, second date, we'd known each other about six months, but still second date ever. I literally go to the guy, I'm like, look, if you do not want children at all, and you're like at peace, that is like a great decision for you.
We should just stop in our tracks right now. And the guy says to me, dude, I'm like, this is, you can see my California background. I said, dude, eight times so far, but he says everything can be worked out in conversation. I was like, all righty then. So, because who I had been was, I didn't want them badly enough to be a single mom.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: So I met Jason at 38 and we got married when I was 40. and I had been a late bloomer in so many areas of my life. I was just sure it wasn't going to be a problem. I was just sure. And I, and I wasn't gonna buy into people's fear about it, blah, blah, blah. Well, it turns out. And as my mother has, so wisely said many, many times I have no clue if I would've had similar issues in my twenties or thirties, because I wasn't trying to have a kid then.
Right. So I'll never know. I can't compare. I can't blame myself for waiting because no one knows why it's happening now. And they don't know that it wouldn't have been happening later. And if one person guessed I had premature ovarian failure. Okay, well, at what date is that? Premature. If I had tried it 33 would it have already have been an issue, et cetera.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And there's this other little story, you know, I was telling you about my little things. Like, Oh, the baby's going to look like me and dah, dah, dah. And I called it, my mom, this was when we were investigating adoption. And I said, mom, how do you feel? Like, how do you feel about if the baby doesn't look like you?
She just says, she just goes. Have you met Duncan? So Duncan is her. I have a niece and nephew and my nephew does not look like our side of the family. He looks like a mini me of his dad 100%. And so I just busted out laughing. I was like, well, I guess I don't have to worry about that. Like family is declared, frankly,
Sarah Marshall ND: you know, and I have, I have some crossover genetics, but you know, my, my sisters from my mother's first marriage and.
You know, then they got divorced and remarried and had me. And so my sister and I have shared mother and different fathers and we both strongly resemble our dads. Like when you look at us in many respects and what's interesting is the places where we most overlap are our mannerisms and the way we talk. And if you close your eyes, people get tripped out.
And they're like, Oh my gosh. It's like stereo sisters, you know, but you open your eyes and she's got ivory skin and long copper red hair. And she's got this whole other ginger red Irish side, and I'm way more the dark haired German side of my dad's family. And so there's, there's that piece. Well, my sister's father, he has another daughter. I went and spent a week with her in Italy. And she lives in Northern Italy. She's American she's, but lived abroad her whole life. And we've never met. I have no direct relationship with Paige other than through my sister Elizabeth and circumstances were such that I went and spent a week with her in Italy.
We had the same books. On our shelves, we had the same style of decor. There were so many similarities of like going to your family's home, where like similar plates and cups, the way you organize your kitchen, the wooden spoons and the like, like it was uncanny. The similarities were a woman I've never met.
Not genetic related too. And she's literally not even lived in the same country as me, her adult life. So we don't even have like, Oh, it's just cultural influence. Like there was just something in there and we're clear where the it's the three sisters, like we're clear, like it's all three of us. And some of us shared genetics with some of us and some of us don't and that's like the whole story.
And it's, you know, and I've heard stories of people that have discovered they have a twin they didn't know about, and they do share the genetics and then to see the things there and the P I mean, it's just, it is created and it is, it's both. And as far as I'm concerned, there's there really is the genetics.
And then what we call nurture, but it's not even direct. It's like almost I will go to the place of it coming from a spiritual place or an energetic place, or some sort of soul bank account. I don't know where we share genetic soul material or something. That's just above and beyond this. And I can already see with you and Jason it's like.
You know, this kid's gonna, could totally have your smile because then you talk about mirror neurons.
Accala Kessler: Let's just talk about micro, micro expressions and my sister and I, Oh yeah. My sister and I are quite different. some people say we look a lot alike and some don't, but I mean, we grew up in the same household, like you're saying mannerisms speech patterns.
We are sisters. and, So, like I told you, the donor is anonymous. All I know is she's 23 graduated university, like sports and reading, that's it. Oh. And has the same blood type as I do. That's it. And he's an extremely generous person as far as I say. Right. And, I. I also mentioned earlier that I've had thoughts and I think it's good to say, like there's parts of it where I'm like, this is just it, you know, you said I made it sound so simple, but what I noticed is if I would choose that this is it, this is what's happening right now.
As much as I'm crying, why me as much as I'm like, but I'm a good person. And I mean, well, and I'm going to be a great mom. Why like all that angst I would generate for myself with those conversations, anytime I would be like, and what's happening right now. What's the facts of the situation are, I would actually have some moments of peace.
I didn't have to like it, but I wasn't in some temper tantrum about it. I wasn't trying to disassociate from it. I was in it and having whatever emotion came with it for me, you know? And then I had to learn that it's like, if I would allow myself to be sad or allow myself to be mad, A lot of times it passes.
It's like a dam breaks and it passes. Might kill a few things while it floods down the road. (Sarah chuckles) But, but it passes, the water does recede. Right. And so now here I am, I'm pregnant. We just had 22 weeks. I gah and this is tripping me out. I have had one of the easiest pregnancies of anyone I've interviewed.
Sarah Marshall ND: Hmm.
Accala Kessler: Now I have a theory called 10 years of trying to get pregnant. It means you do a lot of healthy things to yourself, and maybe I built some foundational things along the way.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yes.
Accala Kessler: You know, certain vitamin and mineral deficiencies that I'm not operating with right now. And you know, like that. But, and I have, like, I sometimes have moments of, wishing the quote baby was mine.
And then I will say that or think that, and I'll be like, that's really sorta crazy. Like I dare anyone to try to tell me this one isn't mine. I worked a decade for this child, you know, I literally paid for this baby. It's mine. It's mine, it's mine. But I read this book, called "Spirit Babies." And, it was one of those things where I wasn't sure if it was going to be a little too far out for me.
Which I think is ironic because like, for example, I'm birthing in a birth center with a midwife less than eight, less than 9% of births are attended by midwives. That includes hospital midwife attended births. I'm already in the minority. I'm already in the weird category by most people's standards. And then I stand there and go, no, that's weird.
No, that's a little too far over there. Ya know? But I read this book,Spirit Babies. So this man he's passed away, but he, could see them speak, communicate with them. and just tell us the story about how they would be in your aura. And then they would move closer to the mom's belly as delivery came and that spirit babies would choose their parents, even if their physical self was going to come through another woman and all this kind of stuff.
And, you know, I got a couple of things. One, it doesn't even matter if I think that's how it works or doesn't work. Like I don't have to make the judgment call on, is that, or is that not right? And that, I liked the idea of it, that it could be that way. And there's this concept that I heard across all this journey that someone talks about rainbow babies or spirit babies.
That every time you have a miscarriage, this is a little spirit baby that follows you around. So I had this vision that I've got like 11 sort of pissed off little spirit babies crying. That didn't work. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't have 11. I have one, I have one and this, I think spurred something for me and really, really completed something for me and made me get into high gear about, look, I'm just going to go be a mom.
I had this little, I like daydream or like when you're half awake, when you're coming out of sleep, I had this little dream that there's one little spirit that's tried to get here 11 times. And I ha- in the dream that the little spirit comes up and it was holding my cheeks and it was like, look lady, you are supposed to be my mother.
So what you need to go do is get me a skin bag. Okay. Now enough futzin' around, go get me a skin bag and I'll meet you on the other side.
Sarah Marshall ND: Oh my God.
Accala Kessler: And I told that story to someone, they said, yep. That sounds like your kid. (Both laugh)
And so then there's this piece for me that whoever this being is that's soon to be. My kid is the kid who's supposed to be my kid.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: I'm meant to that's it. So, and I just make space for this stuff. My brain spits out. About other things, you know, if I have a tired day and I'm like, Oh no. Oh, they were right.
There's a reason you're not supposed to do this at 49. Except you know what? You can't make the calendar go backwards because you actually can't age biologically, you can reverse your biological aging.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Or at least stomp on the brake.
Sarah Marshall ND: Totally. Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And I have a friend that has 10 auto immune conditions that she manages and she had a baby.
And she has days when she's bedridden, she gets a season and she literally can't even get out of bed. She's an incredible mother.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: So it's all circumstantial and it's word it's. How do you say it's going to go and am I willing to ask for assistance? Am I willing to have community around me?
Sarah Marshall ND: That's massive. Yeah. So what, what have your community, what have you built? What do you have around you? How do you do that? (Accala laughs)
Accala Kessler: So one thing that happened, so I have, something I'm accountable for globally. There's the team of people that I work with goes across Australia, India, Europe, the U.S. Canada, Mexico. Like, you know, when I, I had told a small group that I was pregnant and one of them basically announced it on the, the global monthly call that I was having. And I was like, well, everyone, guess what? I'm pregnant. But here's the thing. I had people stay after like a month later, every month we have this call. I have people a month later stay after the call.
And they're like, I just want to know how it was going. Like they were in tears for me. So I had to wake up to how many people are for me. I had to wake up and let it in. So I'm not a burden. People want to cheer for other people . They want to be happy for you and with you. And so I started a WhatsApp group for, I thought it was going to be sort of vain or sorta like self centered, but no, I had people that were going to chew me out if I didn't like find a way to make sure they got updates.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yes! Exactly! Yep.
Accala Kessler: So that's one thing just there's, there's a. There's a support factor too, just knowing people care and they really legit want to know. Yeah. Right. then clearly there's my husband. Holy smokes. The guy has been great. And, you know, I had this whole part at the beginning. I started this pregnancy overweight and I was like, I can't see the baby.
I can't see the baby. You know, everyone thinks I look pregnant, but that's just my normal belly, blah, blah, blah. You know, all the bloating at the beginning with the hormones. And especially I had to take extra hormones cause of the, I didn't ovulate to make this pregnancy happen. And, You know, he wouldn't say, Oh no, honey, you don't look.
It you'd be like, you're cute. Anyway. I was like, Oh, I see serious support to the pregnant lady. Who's on hormones. Okay. but I will say this, I have not. And this would be like, where there's the gap or the work or the not handled part. I don't, but partially I wonder if some of it's the pandemic, but I don't have a lot of physical right here can come to my house support.
Yeah. My both my mother's, my in-laws and my mother, they live four and seven hours away. you know, I'm 49, so my mom just turned 74 and my mother-in-law I think is 69. They're not going to come down. I'm not going to have that situation where they can come down and be there. Like a lot of moms would do, or I've got a friend who's due on December 27th.
So I, and all of a sudden, you know, you learn that new wording, you see it everywhere. You buy that new car and everyone else is driving it. You get pregnant. And everyone else, lots of pregnant people. but they like, one's in Chicago. One's in Seattle. One's in LA one's in Singapore. No, one's here. Right? And I, I, for example, you know, like when you, when you deliver a lot of times, people want it, we'll do like a food train for you.
Sarah Marshall ND: Right. Yeah.
Accala Kessler: You know, they'll bring you casseroles
Sarah Marshall ND: We did that in Naturopathic school actually, because,-- so there was a joke that wasn't that much of a joke because it did not drink the water at my naturopathic medical college, because.
Women would show up there and then, you know, they'd get healthier because they're learning about naturopathic medicine, which makes you more fertile. And, and the average age, you know, we have 75% women in the program, at least when I did it. And, the average age was about 28 to 35, you know, prime baby making years.
And like everywhere we turned, another classmate would be pregnant. And then they had the mom's room and the nursing room, and it was a whole thing. And we had like one of those where the whole class would sign up. For a meal every day for this, and they ended up a
Accala Kessler: meal or a gift card or something
Sarah Marshall ND: because you know, of course we make extra. So
Accala Kessler: yes. So I belong to a women's networking group and they're also chomping at the bit the ones that haven't even met me. It's just like some kind of like modern day quilting, bee excitement, like women being excited for another woman having a baby. And they might not even have met me in person yet. Right. So the, the whole meal train thing. And, but the thing is, is. I didn't even want to do that. Cause I was like, Oh, I'm gluten free and dairy free. They're not gonna know how to cook that. and then I had to give that up.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: You know, so. So, I guess I didn't, it was really cool that you asked me to come do this, Sarah, because I was just like, dude, there's so many layers to this whole thing. I was like, you have to give that up. You know, they can Google something. It's not that complicated right
Sarah Marshall ND: no.
Accala Kessler: If I can learn it and I hate cooking, they can learn it. But then I had this idea that I was going to do a bold request. I was going to be cool. I was like, what if we could start the train now?
Could someone feed me good pregnancy food now pleas?. Cause I hate cocaine and funny, you know, my husband, he, he was like, he didn't use this word, but it was some version of being lazy. Like you're not sick. Make your own food, just quit being a racket about it. Make your own food. Sorry. That was terminology.
That everyone would get quippy being a complaint about it. Yeah. You know, quit whining. Just cook.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And I was like, well, heck I thought I was going to be bold and ask for what I wanted. I might still do it. And, well
Sarah Marshall ND: we've already determined. You just want a chef in your life forever. You just want that handled. Like that's the, and look and if pregnancy and having a newborn is part of how you justify that, that's fine. Just get a handle.
Accala Kessler: Yeah, because it's like, I don't have this hangup because I listened to some people and I'm like, I don't want to eat the thing. That is the healthy food. That is not my hangup. I don't want to have to figure it out.
Planet shop I'll even shop for it, cook it. And here I am trying to grow my business. I just hired an employee on Friday handing over that global accountability I was talking about, and I don't even, I have like one piece of baby equipment in the whole house and it dawned on me the other day that I have 16 weeks.
Could be more, it could be less. I, I think it's 16 weeks. I'll be 38 weeks. And you know, from that point forward, the baby can come at any second. If it decides it's ready. And, I'm just like, Ooh, that was an eye-opener. So Christmas has become a nuisance. I'm like, ah, dang it. I don't have time. I have to shop for things.
So, so there you go with the support. I don't like I don't, it is an, is an unanswered question. I don't know who. My birth team just consists of my midwife right now. I'm undecided, but leaning towards having a doula. I watch birth videos and I'm mostly personally, I'm mostly like. What are all those people doing there?
Why did you need seven people at your birth?
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: I'm like trying to figure out how to have it be in a dark room with only like three people, you know? And of course the also weird thing about all of this was whole process, but it's louder at pregnancy is a, you have to make a bunch of choices about something you've never experienced and you don't know how you're going to feel in the moment. You just have to guess.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: You know? You just, you don't know what your kid's going to be like, or if they're gonna like that pacifier or the other one or that bottle or that blanket, or, you know, you don't know, and you just have to guess, you know, I guess be ready with the basics and handle the rest. So, you know, it's funny that you ask that question because, or not funny, it's, you know, the thing you do where you ask the right question is I have a lot of a lot of emotional support for this pregnancy. I don't have the actual, physical here in my same town support. That team's not complete.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yup. Good things to work on. What are you most looking forward to? Do you let yourself dream about it?
Accala Kessler: Some. In the first trimester I asked Jason, I said, Hey, when are we going to be happy about this pregnancy instead of just shell shocked? And he said, I think shell shock is what our happy looks like right now. (both laugh)
There's been, a lot of shell shockedness, like surreal illness, like. I found out on Wednesday when I had the, the, the anatomy scan, your, the mid pregnancy, does the baby have four heart chambers and two kidneys. And that whole scan thing. I found out that my placenta's in the front, which solved a big concern for me.
I haven't felt the baby, like I can sorta tell where the baby is and then I can sorta tell like, Oh, the next morning, they're in a slightly different place. So I know they had to have moved, but I can't feel them doing the moving.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: Right. And the baby's only about a pound right now. So it's like, even if they're kicking and punching and it just, I can't, they're not big enough yet, you know?
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah, yeah.
Accala Kessler: So that was good to find out because the reason I brought, I just said that is it's still abstract. Like, Oh, the, the hard lump was there and now it's here. But now that I've seen a picture. And the baby looks like a baby. It doesn't look like a tadpole anymore. That was another level of real. We found out the sex of the baby. That was another level of real. When I can actually feel the baby kick or punch, whole other level of real.
But I think the thing I've been looking forward to from before the pregnancy and now. Is, I want to be for the greatness of another person. And there's a lot of things I do in my life where I do that. But there's this whole other level where you get to sneak in under, before they put up any barriers, you know, you get to really get down at the base level and, you know, and, and just like, no one's ever going to look at you and say, you love your kid too much.
You know, you're looking at someone else, that's in a training program with you or someone that like your employee. And they might be like, Hey, little weird. You need to back off, you know, but they don't say that a bunch of kid. So, I'm looking forward to stuff like that. I'm looking forward to stuff like, how do you, how do I make space for my kid to turn out the best way they were meant to turn out?
Right.
Sarah Marshall ND: Let them be themselves. You know, what does it mean? How do you do that?
Accala Kessler: Yeah. I heard a podcast once and this guy was getting, I don't even remember the topic of the podcast. I remember this one sentence. He said he and his wife decided that they would just start asking their kid. What do you wanna try next?
See, so I'm looking forward to things like when my kid can talk and I'll be like, great. Did you like it? Not like it did it work did not work. Okay, great. Awesome. You know, and have it be complete and be like, what do you want to try next? Freaking love that; can't wait. Right. And, so more like that, I mean, I don't know what it be like to have a newborn.
I haven't been around them very much in my life. even with my own niece and nephews. my favorite, I like it when they can start to interact. My, Oh my gosh. My favorite is when they start to be walkie talkies. And you don't even understand what they're saying. It doesn't matter. They start to express some kind of excitement.
There's some kind of inter action. perhaps as the mother of this newborn, I will assume interaction that beginnings. Well, I don't know, but, you know, and, and also I'll also say this, this is so my personality. I'm going to show that being a 49 year old mom is not any different than being the 29 year old mom.
Like I'm looking forward to bucking the assumptions about all of it. Yeah, because I get in my own head about it, like, Oh, I'm going to be super tired. And then a couple days go by and I'm like, wait a minute. Last time I checked, every mother I've ever seen was exhausted.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah, yep.
Accala Kessler: 18 or 40 something. Yeah. They're all freaking tired.
Sarah Marshall ND: And you don't put just that on age and you know, this is just from my training and development side of things is like, Eating a whole foods based diet, minimizing sugar, the way that you take care of your antioxidants in your body, all of those things are all plus plus plus plus plus plus, plus you have in the category of why you will have energy, you will have what you need.
Your body will do what it's going to do inside it, but you're giving it the best shot. But yet culturally, we have this conversation, which is like, Oh, but I'm 49. And that means X it's just gonna (Accala: yeah) it's like one in the sea of a world of options that are influencing your physiology and how your body's going to do.
And yeah, you're probably going to be tired cause I've never met a mom that isn't.
Accala Kessler: Yeah.
So I'm looking forward to being an outlier. You know, I used to worry, I'm gonna look like the kid's grandma. I'm like, maybe I should just let my hair go white and like, let that freak flag fly, man. (Both laugh)
There's probably more, I don't know. Maybe you have more questions.
Sarah Marshall ND: I just one more, which is like, what's, what's the thing that you want to leave people with about the last 11 years? Like, what's the like bottom line?
Accala Kessler: That's funny. I was just thinking that. Huh? That's the whole mind melt thing.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: There's a couple things. One, there is absolutely intrinsically nothing shameful about being fertile or being infertile. As a matter of fact, it had very little to do with whichever one you turned up. Right. I've done a lot of things to be healthy. I haven't been perfect. I had to give that up too, but if I'd been perfect about my diet or if I'd been perfect about blah, blah, blah, maybe it would all work out.
You know? But I just made my decision. I was going to share. I'm just gonna share freely. Cause one, what was I going to do? Not tell people for 10 years, one of the most important things I was working on and I said, I just had to draw lines and just, it's not shameful. It doesn't, I mean, not everyone will want to know all the details, but it's going to make a difference for somebody one. You know, there's no shame, you know, and, and you don't have to be perfect. And also don't give up, don't give up, you'll want to give up, there'll be moments, but there's a difference between I heard this. It's, it's a cliche, but it's another thing I really like. It's like, you can quit anytime you want. Just don't quit on a bad day.
You know, it's a call it quits in a journey like this on the day of the miscarriage, for example, or the day you're depressed about blah, blah, blah. It's the wrong day to call it quits, because if you're truly at the end for yourself, it won't just arise in your thinking on the quote, bad day, you'll be having an awesome day and some kind of, some, I say some sense of peace at your doneness will come to you.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: I think those are the two biggest ones. Right. there's also something about, I don't have this all worked out, but it's just a thing I had to keep dealing with, which was, do I have enough guts to go through it again? Because it might not work. And if this hadn't worked, it was I'm quite certain. It was gonna be heartbreaking.
Right? And for me, I was like, dude, how am I going to make it through that? And when I would think that it was like, well, I don't know, but you will because I'm not going to spend the next 50 years of my marriage to the man of my dreams caught in a never ending loop of unreconciled grief.
Sarah Marshall ND: You know, you got a couple thousand more people that are rooting for you and cheering you on. Now, when this goes live. And, it very likely, you know, th there will be want for follow-up. So
you will have,
Accala Kessler: well, you can have me back on your podcast when I successfully have a natural birth.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: And I recover quickly and I go convince my husband to aligned with me to go back and have the second one, which I'll be having when I'm about 51.
Sarah Marshall ND: Uh-huh. Great.
Accala Kessler: And, you know, maybe I'll keep beating this drum. Maybe I'll have to like go pimp myself out to some birth podcasts and stuff, because I listened to one podcast, I think it's called infertility adoption and something else.
And, they had a panel of women that had had late in life, or maybe they had all done donors or something like that. Anyway, one woman, 49 years old donor egg, (inaudible) having me and it's like, as a hope I have for this podcast is someone out there. I I'm a representation of what, where they are in life, because I hear that one woman talk about it and it was re it was rejuvenating to hear someone pretty much exactly in my spot.
And he read these stories about people who were like, by the time the baby gets here, you don't, you don't have time to worry about the DNA. You're just. Changing diapers and cleaning up spilled peas and reading bedtime stories, you know, the kiddo's yours. And so, so that's another thing I've discovered in this process is the amount of faith I have.
I didn't grow up in a particular religious tradition. I mean, I'm generally Protestant background, but, that doesn't mean I can't have faith in something and we're right back to, I've had to consciously choose to have faith like that. It'll turn out like that for me. Yeah. I mean, if someone dropped a baby on my doorstep, do you know? I would just take care of it. I think there's another level of listening. I've heard it. I've heard it talked about in some of the other conversations you've had with people that like them, like, you might think a thought. But there's a feeling or a knowing there's like heart, spirit, minds.
There's like different levels of communication. And there's a level of listening past what I think it should be listening past what may be some inherited conversations are there and being willing to wait until I had some kind of certainty that I had my answer to the next step or the next question. Not just a reaction to what I thought I could or couldn't do.
Sarah Marshall ND: Perfect. That's the right where we should leave it for now until the next opportunity to get the update. Thank you for all of...
Accala Kessler: you're welcome.
Sarah Marshall ND: ...the wisdom and the story and the heartfelt in this and, and the willingness to talk about a story that's not commonly talked about. You know, like you said, that all the things you'd seenand there was that one woman that you could resonate with in that same way.
And so that also when we can share our heart-based truths and share our own stories, In this kind of a format. I just know it makes a difference for people, even people that it's not fertility, it's not about having a baby it's it could be anything where there's been a lot of struggle and a lot of challenges that have brought them to have to question, am I really going to stay this course?
Am I really gonna stick this out? Am I really got to fill in the blank?
Accala Kessler: You have to act in the face of a loud cultural conversation that, well, that's just as good as it's going to get.
Sarah Marshall ND: Yeah.
Accala Kessler: You just said what you said and like some could have an illness. And all of the voices around them are, well, you can't expect anymore. I say you can.
Sarah Marshall ND: Awesome.
Thank you Accala. Until we do this again,
Accala Kessler: You're welcome. Yes, until then.
Sarah Marshall ND: Thank you to today's guest, Accala Kessler for sharing her determination and possibility. Are you ready to take on your own health? I'm now accepting new clients for 2021. It's typical for me to be full by mid-spring. So contact me now at SarahMarshallND.com or on Instagram at @SarahMarshallND.
For a full transcript and all the resources for today's show visit SarahMarshallND.com/podcast. Thank you for listening. Support and spread the word by leaving us a review on your favorite platform. So we can heal our world special. Thanks to our music composer, Roddy Nikpour, and our kick-ass editor, Kendra Vicken. We'll see you next time.